Tuesday, May 10, 2011


Your heart
has many compartments,
like those of a train.
They stretch through time.
Their contents,
your passengers,
never touch.

Their bond is
the containment that you provide
as you journey
from room to room
in a look
in a smile
for that one
who reflects
the you that you want to be.

 -For “One Shot Wednesday” http://onestoppoetry.com/


  1. Finding in a reflective smile a projection of one's better self... a lovely finish. Nice work.

  2. Nicely done..I love the ending.

  3. Beautiful poem, I love it. What an amazing analogy, we so search all our lives as though travelling from train car to train car and occasionally we do find that look,that smile, that sweet affirmation that lets us know we are not alone.

  4. Compartments, and containment's, like the way you use these words in your writing.

  5. to share that heart with perhaps...many ignore the true them in their hearts...props to those that search the cars...

  6. Thank you all! This was going to be a longer poem, but as I started to write, two complimentary poems seemed more appropriate. Look out for "Hearts: Part Two," next week.

  7. Great metaphor, words of widom. Great write.

    Henry Clemmons (Effects of Light)

  8. Lovely poem ~ "They stretch through time" is particularly delightful.

  9. I think you've started with a good idea for a comparison, but that as a poem it would be strengthened if you let the metaphor stand on its own rather than making it explicit. Consider instead writing a poem about a train, describing its compartments and what or who is in each of them, leading up to how they are all essentially in one place yet separate. Then you can describe the porter moving from room to room, the only one seeing each compartment. In leaving the title "Hearts" you are then signaling us that the poem isn't about an actual train, and that the details are meant to be read metaphorically rather than literally.

    Just suggestions, of course. Much luck with a revision.

  10. wonderful write, thanks for posting

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  12. Valerie, it is funny that you suggested I extend the metaphor. I did just that in my outline and initial draft of the poem. When I finished, however, I did not like what I written. I felt that I extended the metaphor too far. Therefore, I am going to work on "Part Two" for next week and return to this one later. I have a feeling that the final result will fall somewhere in between the two visions. Thanks -F.P.

  13. amazing...

    check out short story slam today. hope to see your participation.

  14. true words.

    aptly put.
    finally, I find you.
    love your poetry.

    share a verse and join the fun with us today.